Wednesday, August 27, 2014

A good lady.

She was as cold as icy breeze on a cloudy December evening. All the warmth in this world couldn't cure this coldness of hers. She had completely forgotten how to smirk. How a person who was once a reason for everyone's giggles didn't even know now how to chuckle. Someone as vivacious as a sunny sky in spring mumbled in response to the questions she was asked. The crystal glowing face that took breaths away was nothing more than a weary old face with desires in the eyes patched with dark circles. No, not a "60 year old" old but a "16 wearing 60" old.
Clarissa, a 16 year old, who just got into a high school was excited about her homecoming just as much as every girl of this age is for this extravagant event. Two coolest guys of the school had already asked her for dance and she'd denied their proposals because she wanted to go with Harry, her best friend and what she used to call him, her soul mate. She wanted to wear the most elegant dress and was out this rainy evening with her father's oldest and most loyal driver for shopping who'd just given resignation and it was last day of his service.
Since Clarissa's father was in home ministry, he used to come back home only on weekends while Clarissa's mother worked in one of the largest publications of Seattle and was usually away. Hence Clarissa lived with 3 maids and a nanny. Whenever Clarissa complained about this ignorance to her mother, she would shut her up and tell her that "Ladies never complain. Be a good lady. Don't you ever complain my child. Endure." And slowly did Clarissa stop complaining.
This evening, she was again asked not to complain and hence she was sent for shopping on her own with Dave, the driver. Clarissa stepped out of that large lime coloured BMW and stepped inside Mario, one of the lush shops of this posh area. It was the only shop Clarissa fancied in Seattle . As the attendant saw her coming, she ran towards Clarissa and helped her out with the most expensive and breath taking dress of this lavish boutique which went perfectly with those straight golden hair and moon like face in just no time. Clarissa was one of the most charming girls of her school, she carried her beauty like a queen would carry her tiara. And this black dress she had just bought dominated her looks even more. After buying the dress and high heels from Jimmy Choo, she hurried towards the car but the drizzle already had dampened all her clothes. She asked the driver to drive fast so she wouldn't catch the flu and he did. But it took so long for this journey to end. Poor Clarissa, who was unfamiliar with the routes of this city and also with the realities of this world did not know that she'd jumped into an abyss with no exit.
Dave parked the car in a strange place and with his lust that had driven him insane attacked the poor little girl, not just this, he also taped it. Clarissa rebelled, shouted for help, but there was no sign of mankind who would prove himself an angel and Dave killed her soul with his wild intentions.
It was dark when she opened her eyes. She was in her car. She checked the time on her gold watch that her father had given her on her 16th birthday, it was 9pm. "Everyone will be thinking I'm still busy shopping", she thought. She tried to sit and Dave, who was sitting relaxed on the driving seat as if nothing has happened, sensed her regaining consciousness, started the car and drove to home. On the way, he blackmailed Clarissa and threatened her that if she utters a word about this incident, he'll put her video on internet. And so she did not. She wasn't going to say anything anyway. Because "ladies never complain", she'd to be a good lady and so she endured.
She was sitting in the balcony, staring at the sky, watching the twilight, when all her friends were going for homecoming. She was not interested in it anymore. She was a good lady now. She'd learned to endure. The setting sun was taking all her warmness with it and she was left alone in the dark again, but it was okay, she was a good lady, she'd learned to endure.

Letters.

Letter 1:

Love,
This is my first day of struggling to get over you. And I have realized at this moment that I am a failure. I can't, I can't.... Come back, please? There's no point of me writing this letter to you, you'll never read it, I know. But I want you back. I don't like it when daddy wakes me up at 9, I want you to call me and wake me up. And I'm scared at night, I don't have anyone by me at 3am, when it's dark. I wear Havoc everyday, love, because you loved the scent of it when we first hugged each other. And I wait for you every night, to have all those beautiful moments back, to have you, back. I made achaar goshth today, and I couldn't eat it, you know I don't eat pickle, but I ate all of it for you, see, your sweetheart is trying to change herself, come back? I really need you. I love you.
Yours,
Someone-who-is-broken.
1/03/2010.


Letter 2:

Hey,
You didn't come back, it has been 18 days, you didn't call. So, this guy next door proposed me, he walks like you, and he reminds me of you. And I said yes, I'm sorry, I don't want to cheat on you, but I need you and he reminds me of you. He saw me crying sitting across the fence last week and he told me I looked like a tomato whilst crying. You used to say the same. Is this you? Are you back? Every time I talk to him, it feels like you. They say, winters are blue, but my spring is blue without you. He likes my eyes, just like you did. And he buys me chocolates, just like you did. He sings me to sleep, just like you did. I just wish, he doesn't betray me, just like you did.
No-more-yours,
Still-not-okay-sweetheart.
18/3/2010.

Letter 3:

Yo!
I am over you, FINALLY. I'm writing this letter just to let you know that I'm fine without you. And your phone call last month, mum told me about it. I didn't respond. I don't want to. I am happy. I got into college and I will have friends in less-than-no time. Everything is so cool. There are a lot of fun people here, the kind of people you used to tell me about. I still miss you at every weekend, when we used to be together. But well, that's how life is, no? And by the way, I ditched the guy I told you about, he was nothing like you, no one's like you. Got to go now, I've this new friend from college who's taking me to the new shopping mall. I.... I love you.
Yours loving,
Happier-than-ever-girl.
8/9/2011.


Letter 4:

Erm, hi,
It's never been hard to write a letter to you, but it is now. I've burnt 50 letters already and I don't have any appropriate thoughts to ink down to you. I'm 17. I AM FREAKING 17 and you did not wish me. It's been so long I've heard that soothing voice of you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME BACK PLEASE PLEASE. I love you. See, I'm still waiting for you. I saw your relationship status. Your girlfriend is very pretty. And the diamond ring you gave her is beautiful. But it's nothing like that necklace you gave me on that new year's eve, when you were leaving for airport. I still have it. I don't have any friends, I lost them. They think I'm weird. So I took these pills, I'm so dizzy, I might just throw......
I'm sorry for being gross, I can't write another letter.

Sorry.
20/02/2012.

Letter 5:

Hey, 
I am sorry I didn't write to you. My therapist stopped me from writing. I am done with my 1 year sessions. I a going on this trip. It's been 3 years that you broke up with me. I am 18 now, and they say I look pretty and happy. I have friends now. But I miss you. You were my best friend. I can't tell my friends how my parents beat me. Mom thinks I am bringing shame to the family. Please save me.
Yours,
Someone-who-still-is-in-love-with-you.
4/04/2013.


Letter 6:

Hey,
This is probably the last time I am writing to you. I have realized that I've lived in delusions for the last 4 years. I'm 19 today and I have made a pact that I won't write to you. There's this guy, he's a fellow writer. He doesn't know me but we met on this usual meet-ups of a writing workshop and I adore the pain he carries within him. He's my perfect picture of melancholy, I don't want him but I want to be his solace. I hope you won't mind. Take care. Congratulations on graduation. I hope you'll make a good doctor. I will never forget that excruciating pain you sent my way. I will never forget how you abandoned me. And I will never forget our forever promise. I will go to Venice one day and I'll go to that church(The one you had as your phone's wallpaper) and I'll sail those boats. I miss your presence,
With love,
A-free-soul.
17/2/2014.

Letter 1:

Dear love,

 I do not know why I am addressing you like this, when you're not even aware of my existence, but I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. And I've loved many people, in many ways, and I don't want any of them. And I don't want you. But, for once, just for once, I want to be there for you. They tell me,"HE IS STRONG". But I know, you've put that facade for long enough to make them think so. And I know you're vulnerable. You're fighting so hard to get those demons out of your head, I know, love. And you're the kind of person I'll fight those fiends for. Without even letting you know. I don't want your attention, I swear to GOD, I don't. I want you to smile, wholeheartedly, just once. Sit. Take that cloak off. I want your heart out of that cage engulfing it. THOU ART BEAUTY, take it off. And I'll suck all the sorrows out of that heart, even if it kills me. Because I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. And I want you to be happy, again. Please? It's been ages and you've probably forgotten what being happy is, but for the sake of that moon we have watched together, and for the sake of that dawn, and for the sake of my love for you, I am here, begging you. Take all my happiness, take my heart, take my soul, but let go of the woe, And I REALLY LOVE YOU.

Yours loving,
Someone-who-doesn't-exist-in-your-world.
25/8/2014.